Time to look back before going forward

So it's almost December... 2009 has been a crappy year all round for Bertie and I.

Still, this blog started out as a really regular outlet for my thoughts and plans, and a great way of trying to find positive things to focus on in my life.

Now that the end of year is nigh, however, it's time to look back on those thoughts and plans. I thought there might be a 50/50 ratio of achieved to not achieved, but the reality was more depressing... it gave me a great deal of insight into how fickle and changeable I am, and how quickly I get excited, plan and possibly follow through briefly, then abandon and forget and jump on to the next thing. Hopefully next time someone advises that I'm changing things too often and suggests finishing something or thinking about an idea for a bit longer, I can see where they're coming from instead of scoffing at them internally for being unsupportive.

Keeping a blog is a great idea for a personality like me - at the end of each year I can go back and recommit to good ideas that I've let slide, pick up good ideas that I never even started acting on, and discard/laugh at the things that were either bad ideas or which I know I'll never find time for. I'll try to be realistic and only recycle the best ideas into the new year.

I started my review series with Jan 2009. I had a new idea for every day, and sadly nearly all of them either never got started or failed soon after they had begun...

Get off yer arse!

Amazing day today at the track! I haven't been going to the training/coaching sessions run by wheelchair victoria because my leg had been locking and making it imposible to run without falling. Today was my first day back there in months, and while I'm exhausted after a long day, it was worth it. I feel so fit and wonderful, even if my body is a bit mad at me for putting it through so much...

First day back at TAFE tomorrow - the plan is to run there, and just do without all of my textbooks. I need to get as much training in as possible before next weekend's 5km run in the city. Oh my god what am I doing??? We'll see how much I end up running, haha! I'll be lucky if I can do a kilometre made up of short bursts throughout the 5. Oh well even if - worst case scenario - I can't even make it to the finish line next weekend, whatever I achieve will be amazing considering I'll have had one week to train on the leg, and considering where I was physically a year ago!

Yay :D

Leg leg leggity leg leg...

So my amazing prosthetist Hannah, and the awesome Mark and Al from the Royal Melbourne Hospital have made my running leg happen.

Mark made it possible, Hannah made it work, and Al made it HOT!

We used fabric from my year 11 formal dress, a horribly pink fru fru kind of thing. It had been unused in my cupboard for years, partly because I had a yukky year 11 formal and didn't like to wear it. What better way to make a positive from a negative than to use it as fabric for a prosthesis!

After being laminated it came out a beautiful textured blackcurrant/plum colour, and I'm looking forward to taking some photos of it to put up on this blog.

Tomorrow I'm taking it out for its first spin - I haven't been to any of the wheelchair sports Victoria sessions for months because my other leg was locking and I kept falling... now I can go back and get some pointers and some practice one week out from the 5km run!

I am going into this run with no expectations, as I'll only have had a week to learn my new leg and how to use it. and I'm really really unfit after a few months of no running. I imagine I'll be doing short bursts of running followed by long bursts of walking. It'll be interesting walking on this running leg as it's definitely not designed for it. It's a bit awkward but this afternoon I wore it around the house to see how it'd go... time and practice.

I'll muddle my way through the 5km run on the 11th, then train properly and get better on this leg in preparation for the Marysville marathon where I'm planning to do a 10km run/walk. It's on the 8th of November so I'll have just under a month.

Getting all growed up...

Well it's been a tough year, and this post is going to be about the educational issues I'm come face to face with in 2009. A bit boring, so feel free not to read ahead (if there is in fact anyone who actually reading this blog):

Last year I was studying literature at Deakin University, and while I loved it more than anything I've ever studied, it didn't feel like a career in the field of literature was going to give me job security and a decent wage - both of which I need if I'm to support the children Bertie and I plan to have in the near future. The plan is for me to be the main breadwinner, as Bertie's keen to have the babies and stay at home (and I am not!). Then again, I'm miserable when I'm not doing something I'm absolutely passionate about, so this career needed to be something I was really interested in...

Well, over last year an idea started to form. It got stronger and stronger until it turned from an idea into a plan. A job that was interesting, challenging, offered lots of room for moving up, sideways and topsy turvy (policy, hospitals, private practice, education, product development) - nutrition and dietetics!

I knew I was interested in food for a number of different reasons - I have been trying to lose weight and get healthier, and wanted to know more about how to do that; I am struggling with cravings for meat and want to know more about replacing the nutrients I'm missing with nonmeat alternatives; I have many friends who are vegetarian, vegan, or lactose/gluten/fructose intolerant and wanted to know more about how to understand/help/cook for them, and I was feeling drawn to issues of food activism other than vegetarianism - questions about genetic modification of food, preservatives and additives and the harm they might be doing, advertising of junk food to children, etc etc...

So what better area for me to get into?

But I couldn't entirely let go of my Arts degree. I had actually finished enough subjects to graduate with one major (in Arabic), but I wanted a major in literature too, so that (in typical me style), I would have a backup plan, an escape route, a passionate fling with books that would be waiting there for me to return when I tired of nutrition. So I gave up four advanced credit points I had got for my days in journalism at RMIT so that I could do the four literature subjects I still needed to do to get that second major, then I deferred my arts degree and planned to finish the literature subjects online along the way. I enrolled in a TAFE science bridging course that I had been told would get me into science courses at university, and off I went for 2009.

Well it turned out that my Certificate IV in Science is not recognised by universities as a replacement for VCE biology, chemistry or maths (why is it called a bridging course if the bridge only takes you halfway across the river?), so I was left with the knowledge but not the entry requirements. The nutrition course at latrobe needed VCE Chemistry, and I had been led to believe that this course would suffice... but it wouldn't. Should I redo VCE? That's what one person in the course planned to do when she too found out... Should I do biological sciences for a year and then transfer into nutrition if my grades were good enough? It was a decent option - many of the subjects were the same as the nutrition course, so I'd be getting a headstart on my nutrition degree. But what about my literature subjects? What about my arts degree?

Stuff it, I thought. Bertie and I have a house deposit, two overseas trips, and a wedding to save for. I'll work next year and study my lit subjects online - and finally finish my Arts degree.

However over the last few days, for a number of reasons, I've been thinking about things a little more seriously and carefully. I've decided to do nutrition. So why am I still mucking around with a literature major? So I could do a postgrad course in literature somewhere amongst the nutrition studies? I am making Bertie wait for those babies while I dabble about in this and that at uni, and it's really not fair on her. The pressure for her to come up with the money for everything we want was making her consider another year on a campsite job, away from me, and boy have I had enough of that. I realised that it's time to get all growed up...

So yesterday I began the process of finding out if I can get those credit points back, and graduate from my Arts degree. I'm pulling back from the Cert IV to a Cert III, as this will allow me to get the knowledge I need to survive at uni next year while also allowing me to work part time through Nov & Dec (because for the last few months since Centrelink recognised our same-sex relationship and cut me off, Bertie's been supporting me financially). That way Bertie can put that money into our savings and our travel plans, and I can financially support myself.

And I will apply for biological sciences at Latrobe, or Nutrition & Food Science at Deakin (no science or math prerequisites for either of them), and get on with the job of getting a job.

Now that I've finally made this decision, I feel hugely satisfied. After all, there is nothing stopping me from having passionate side projects once I'm working in nutrition. I can start writing articles for online literature journals. I can get those singing lessons I've always wanted and try to get a gig or two. I can get better at knitting and try to sell a few things online. I can do a short course in poetry and write a collection. I can do what I want, as long as I'm also doing what we need.

I feel a little like an adult. I feel like someone who's ready to get married. I feel good, gosh darn it (and I haven't felt good about my life's direction since high school, when I thought my road stretched straight ahead of me, clear and visible and easy to follow). Hell yeah.

bit by bit, I'll learn to knit...

I've done lots of 'practice starts' with the continental knitting, but couldn't seem to get the hang of it... I knew I needed more lessons, but wasn't going to CCCK until Sunday. I found a book with some really clear instructions about casting on, then starting to knit, and then casting off - the problem was that they were in english style. The book was 'Knitty Gritty: Knitting for the Absolute Beginner' by Aneeta Patel.

I looked online for some good continental style tutorials, but none of them seemed to take me from casting on to the first row of knitting. Instead there would be a casting on tutorial, and then a knitting tutorial where a few rows had already been knit. The first step from casting on to knitting might have been self explanatory to most people, but not to me.

So I got some tips on English style knitting from a friend, then followed the book until I had the hang of the new style. I quite like it, though I'm sure the continental style would have been just as good with some more practice. After a few test runs I've started the 'scarf proper' - any mistakes from here on in are staying in that scarf. And I'll be buggered if I won't wear it every cold day there is until I've made a better one!

Today is a bit chilly, but with sunny patches, so I've set up on the front step, with a cushion behind me, knitting in the wind and fresh air. Delightful. Dwayne is playing at my feet, but every now and then the little rascal comes and plays with my wool and I have to get him off of it. He also likes tapping the loose knitting needle so it rolls across the table/floor making a funny sound. What a beautiful, funny little cat he is :)

FIRST KNITTING PROJECT
The colour: bright green
The wool: Studio Mohair 12
The needles: 5mm
The book: Knitty Gritty
The project: chunky scarf

overly ambitious, non crafty, extremely busy person attempts death-by-craft

OK... I love to make plans. I especially love to make overly ambitious plans that I cannot possibly follow through on.

Here is my 'if-i-don't-eat-sleep-or-study-this-might-actually-work' plan for learning some crafts, and some of the reasons for learning each:

1. SCRAPBOOKING & CARD MAKING

Wedding reasons: I'd like to make the invitations and thankyou notes for the wedding myself, as this seems to be a pretty enormous cost when you have lots of people coming to your wedding. Also, it'd be nice to be able to tailor each invite to the person your sending it to. And if i'm not too exhausted post-two-weddings, I'd like to make a scrapbook/photo album of our weddings and honeymoon.

Other reasons: I'd like to be able to make birthday and Christmas cards for friends and family in the long term, as i think it's ridiculous to pay $5 or $6 for a card that isn't personalised and probably isn't that funny. I'd also like to be able to scrapbook special events in my life as they happen.

Plan: There appears to be a scrapbooking and cardmaking shop in High St Preston, called Flutterbuys, which sells supplies but also runs classes. The first one I want to go to is on 'stitching cards' (for own info: 15 oct, 1pm-2.30pm, $25 includes materials). The second is a class on scrapbooking for beginners (for own info: 20 Oct, 1-2.30pm, $15, bring 4 photos)


2. PAPERMAKING/RECYCLED PAPER

Wedding reasons: I'd like to make the guestbook out of recycled paper (if it looks good and Bertie likes it)

Other reasons: I'd like to put less stuff in the recycling bin each week and try to 'reuse' more often. Making scrap paper and cardboard into something useful would help with that. It'd also be nice to have some homemade stationary to write letters to friends with.

Plan: A CAE course somewhere along the way, maybe? Or perhaps I could just get one of these papermaking kits and start figuring it out by myself.

3. CALLIGRAPHY

Wedding reasons: I'd like to write the invitations and any text for the guestbook myself, not to mention the wedding program and the thankyou cards. And I have terrible handwriting! I need to learn to make it pretty.

Other reasons: it'd help to make those handmade birthday and christmas cards look better - no point making a pretty outside if the writing on the inside is scrappy and scrawled!

Plan: there's a CAE calligraphy course (thursdays 6-9pm from November 11 to December 12) for $230... as calligraphy isn't something I think I can learn by myself, this might be a good idea.


4. KNITTING & CROCHET

Wedding reasons: I'm seeing more and more knitted wedding dresses online, and the idea appeals considering that the Canadian wedding will be in wintertime (!)... However I recognise that that's a superambitiouss idea, even for me, so I'm content with just planning to knit matching shawls/shrugs for myself and any of the bridal parties who might want one :)

Other reasons: making clothes for myself, Bertie, and future offspring. Not to mention knitted soft toys like my Nanna used to make for us when we were little.

5. SEWING

Wedding reason: making ties that match my dress, making flowergirl dresses if I have time, and sewing a 'first night as a married couple' nightgown (teehee!)

Other reasons: clothes. Clothes clothes clothes. Cheap, ethical, fitted to ME, and personalised.

6. MILLINERY

Wedding reason: making a fascinator/veil for both the Australian and Canadian wedding, to match my outfit

Other reasons: I want to make hats as presents for friends - cool, different, and practical

7. FELTING

Wedding reason: I'm leaning towards making my bouquets out of felt. I have a few really pretty patterns but have to figure out how the hell to follow them. A class or two may be in order.

Other reasons: seeing lots of felting projects jumping up on the net lately - bags, hats, cushions, toys... I think it'd be something cool to know. A complement to the knitting!

Learning to knit, cos knitting's the shit!

So... I went to the knitting class at CCCK yesterday. Didn't do too terribly - Ewelina taught me the continental style of knitting (it turns out she's also a talented artist with an exhibition on at fortyfive downstairs), and Andrea helped me decide what needles and yarn to use. They both seem like lovely, friendly people and I definitely plan to practise my knitting this week and then return for more advice and more yarn next Sunday.

I must admit I found it difficult to do things correctly when I tried it again at home. I couldn't seem to get the logistics right - what side does the knitted bit of the scarf sit while you knit, how do you stop the tail getting in the way or getting mistaken for your yarn, and worst of all how do I go back and fix mistakes (Ewelina tried to teach me this but I'm a bit slow and couldn't figure it out.

Still, I plan to get better at knitting - I am keen to start making some of my own clothes (shrugs, shawls, jumpers, hats etc), and making presents for family and friends that have a personal touch and haven't cost the earth.

DIY 18 month project - my wedding!

Hi folks, I got proposed to a few weeks ago (yay!!!)

It was a beautiful thing to have happened after so much sadness (Bertie's father passed away earlier this year, we inherited his beautiful little cat and then she passed away recently after we fell in love with her, I found out my tafe course won't get me into the uni course I expected it would, I've been suffering from insomnia and flashbacks to hospital times, and someone I know has gotten involved with a disturbing religious group...)

But I'm getting married to the love of my life! And what bad news can top that, hey?

Also, in news that is ALMOST as exciting (haha yeah right), I'm on holidays from TAFE! It's been a long stressful year and I'm pretty keen to get back into my blogging over the holidays and renew some of those ideas about life changes that have fallen by the wayside due to stress...

I've been reading this amazing blog called offbeat bride, which has great ideas for weddings that aren't the normal run-of-the-mill production. A lot of the brides or brides-to-be on the site are pretty alternative, and a lot of them are into DIY projects. I love the idea of having some personal touches.

Here is what I aim to do myself (if Bertie likes what I come up with):

- save the date cards, invitations, thankyou cards
- a knitted shawl/shrug for myself and anyone in the bridal party wanting one
- my own non-floral bouquet (felting? crochet? knitting?)
- wedding party favours
- fascinator/veil
- cake topper

OK so that's a whole lot of DIY for a currently non-craft-skilled person! I plan to have a crafternoon instead of a 'bridal shower' (ick), and I'll have a few projects ready to get friends to help with. I'm thinking I'll experiment with the centrepieces and decorations until Bertie and I like what we've come up with, then I'll organise the crafternoon and see if I can get some mates to help out with making those. The bouquet and the fascinator'd be a nice thing to do by myself.

Tomorrow's the high vibes festival up in high st northcote, and there appears to be a wool selling shop called CCCK there. Excellent news is that they are running knit and crochet classes throughout the day. Yay! You have to buy a beginner's kit, but I need one of those anyway. There's a good start.

update

TAFE - constant state of stress. No structured 'exam week' - instead, an exam every week or two, with assignments and prac reports galore... Never a chance to wind down, even over the holidays we had a TONNE of study and homework to do. Feeling utterly overwhelmed, not enjoying myself much anymore, just trying to get it finished

UNI - pulled out of the one online subject I had been doing (Shakespeare: eight plays), as the essay question was utterly ridiculous and I couldn't handle it on top of the TAFE stuff. Feeling like an epic educational failure right now. Oh well I seriously underestimated the difficulty of the science course, guess this is the consequence. At least I did it in time to escape it going on my academic record...

FRIENDS - friends? What is this word you speak of? I have been a craptastic mate this year, pretty much disappearing off the face of the earth. Every time I do go out, I'm still stressing about something or other relating to tafe. Can't wait to be working normal hours in a normal 9-5 job (did I just say that?) so I can have the weekends to catch up with mates. When I was working full time, I might have been tired from work on weekends, but at least I didn't have to stay up late on saturday nights writing essays while my friends go out and have fun >:(

BERTIE - she's still away working interstate, just went back today after a week home. It was insane as usual because we were both just exhausted and run down. BUT it was amazing to see her after a month away, and we did have the most wonderful weekend before she left (equal love rally, harry potter 3D, wicked for the 3rd time, drinks with mates we've missed, a nice hotel room...)

WEIGHT LOSS/FITNESS - bad, bad, bad... I can get the exercise happening on an ok scale, but the food? I'm out of control. I make bad choices again and again, then feel discouraged and go 'oh well, I've stuffed today, I might as well go all out and fix it up tomorrow'... but when you eat fifty points in a day instead of eighteen, no amount of good behaviour or exercise is going to get me back to where I need to be for the week. So eventually, as the points go over and over and over the weekly limit, I give up a few days before weigh in and stop tracking until that thursday. Gah! I had done so well, lost twelve kilos, was getting fit. And yet, every time I feel like getting the routine back in action, the stress of tafe makes me want to eat until I puke. Unfortunately I'm an emotional eater, so I am hoping to speak to someone about trying to break that link in my mind.

LEG - My wonderful prosthetist Hannah, and Mark from the Royal Melbourne have been amazing. Hybrid running/walking leg has been doing wonders but has some issues with locking, and the new proper running leg is on the way.

Dreaming of a dreamless, deep sleep...

Back to TAFE today, and straight into a week of exams and assignment due dates. I've been steadily putting on weight, and have made some really bad food choices over the last few weeks... aagh! That being said, when I'm stressed and sad that tends to happen. Hopefully getting to a happier place in my mind will mean getting to a healthier place on the scales. I plan to see a counsellor to help me manage stress levels, get running in the mornings to put me in a good frame of mind, and try to pack lunches so I always have something healthy and yummy to fuel my brain each day. However, the most important thing I plan to do this week is to tackle my insomnia - each night I'm going to have a hot shower, then get into bed at 11pm with a herbal tea and a book or my laptop, lights out at 11.30... I'll let you know how it goes.

I probably won't be posting much this week because of the stressful tafe situation, but I'll try and do some cooking/photo posts as I've been slacking off on the cooking front lately. Maybe a nice soup, what with this super cold weather and rain we've been getting...

OK, wish me luck! See you after exams :D