I need another weekend to recover from this week!

This week has been a strange one.

Grandpa died, which was just so sad because he was a beautiful, good hearted man. He passed on a great sense of humour and a talent for singing to much of our enormous extended family. He had a long and good life, but it was awful to lose him, and I'm filled with regret at not having spent more time with him. How true that we don't know what we've got till it's gone.

I had been planning to visit him the day he died. I wanted to sing him some songs in the hospital. He died a few hours before my planned visit, and I was really upset that I hadn't sung those songs to him - a hymn called come back to me, and some old songs like 'don't sit under the apple tree'.

However, on a previous visit I had brought him a little contraption that played 'how much is that doggie (in the window)' when you turned its handle. It was a song we used to play on their pianola as kids (I use the term 'play' loosely as of course you only push the pedals on a pianola - great fun for kids, no piano playing ability required!) and grandpa sang along as I turned it for him. I think it's a funny song to have sung the last time I saw him, but it's connected to lovely childhood memories and at least it was a shared musical moment with him before he went. He said to me 'it's funny how at the end all the old songs come back to you'. I think that's a lovely idea - that when we are nearing the end of our life, a history of songs that have accompanied us over the years come back in a medley of memories.

I decided to sing him some hymns when we went in to St Vincents Private to see him after he died. It was one of the saddest and most wonderful moments for me and I'll always remember it. Nothing I could have said to him as I sat by the body would have told him what I was feeling - that I was grateful for the gift of singing that he not only passed on but also encouraged at family events, especially the family singalongs on christmas day; the fact that the last christmas he had with the family, when everyone knew he was unwell and so everyone came along and joined in the singalong, was the best christmas I could ever have had; the way his gentle grumbling that I was wasting my voice led me to seek out singing lessons again after years of not having that joy in my life; that even though I had lost my sense of connection to the catholic church over my life, that singing was the closest I felt to a sense of reconnection (not with the church but with a higher power); that to sing to him was to honour him and farewell him in the best way I could think to...

The day before he died, grandpa took mine and Bertie's hands, put them together, and put his hand around ours. He then said "stick together" in a strong and encouraging voice. I felt like even though he wouldn't be there to attend our wedding next year, he had just given me the strongest and most beautiful blessing of our relationship that I will ever have. The fact that someone from his generation could take our hands and sanction our union in such a straighforward, caring, accepting way touched me so deeply. It was one of the most amazing moments in my life. I will always think of it, and I hope to incorporate it or honour it at our wedding.

It was like at that moment I felt married to Bertie simply by the powerful sense of love and recognition that Grandad was directing to us.

A beautiful example of Grandad's sense of humour was that after he said 'stick together', I teared up and said 'we will'. He looked at me with a glint in his eye and said 'shut up - stop being so sentimental'. He was so cheeky - imagine making me choke up with tears with the beauty of a gesture, knowing I'd be moved, only to tease me for being sentimental! I love that story and I know that it's one I'll tell our children and keep in my heart forever.

Our niece pulled through her brain operation - there are still issues, and she is still recovering, but the fact that nothing bad happened on the operating table is something for which I'll feel very grateful for a long time. She's just a wonderful kid and I'm glad to know her.

My brain test (EEG) on thursday was an interesting experience. I had electrodes glued to my head. The two women at the Austin who did the test were very friendly. I felt comfortable and at ease about the test... UNTIL they got me to hyperventilate and then put strobe lighting in front of my eyes! hey!

The deep fast breathing made me feel very nauseous. After doing that for what felt like ages, I was unpleasantly surprised by the strobe lighting, which had me flinching and feeling like my head was exploding. I don't know what the test results were (I have to wait until a neurologist appoint in JULY when I get back from Europe...geez), but I do know that I never want to have an EEG again.

And even more news! What an emotional, eventful week! I graduated on Wednesday. Bertie took the day off and bought me a new dress, took me in to the ceremony, helped me run around getting tickets and robes and deakin souvenirs and photos... then my parents arrived (nearly too late to see the ceremony! At least I know where I get it from!). Bertie's mum - my mother in unlaw - came along too, which was very sweet. She's really enthusiastic about education and has been really supportive of my educational efforts over the years I've known her. I felt very special getting that piece of paper, finally. It's taken me bloody long enough to get an Arts degree. I find it so hard to finish what I start, so it was a real feeling of achievement and elation when I walked up on that stage and officially graduated. I wasn't expecting the rush of happiness, but it was very welcome in a week where things were so sad and hectic and stressful I nearly cancelled going at all!

My parents were busy trying to help organise the funeral for Friday, so they weren't sure they could stay for the rest of the ceremony after my name had been read out, but in the end not only did they stay to the end of the ceremony, they came out to dinner afterwards too! Bertie and her mum were there too. I felt so pretty in my new dress, and so happy after my graduation, I don't think I would have cared what I ate. Joy of joys, then, that my meal at Number 8 (on southbank, part of the crown complex) was the best lamb meal I've ever eaten. The meat was superb, it literally melted on my tongue. It was cooked to perfection, and the honey jus and caramelised parsnips with it were divine. The only thing I didn't love was the herb crust. In the end I would have preferred it without it, but most of it was easily scraped off. Our sides of broccolini with feta and spinach with pine nuts were also delicious. I was really happy with the whole night. It was a nice break from all of the stress and sadness.

On Sunday, Bertie and I went to some of the gardens in Melbourne to find a wedding ceremony location. We really loved Carlton Gardens, near the Hochgel fountain, on the lawn between the two rows of trees. There was even birds of paradise (my favourite flower) and these other AMAZING orange flowers that towered over our heads and had green/burnt orange leaves. They looked Tim Burtonesque, or like they belonged in Alice in Wonderland. There were also bright red and purple flowers - Bertie loves flowers, and it just seemed like a beautiful setting for a wedding.

We also ended up going to Iron Man 2 - we didn't think we'd have time, but we braved a late night (we're such nannas these days) and saw it at the Westgarth at 9.30pm after all the runaround that day. It was fun, but not as good as the first one. The highlight of the date for me was the little amount of time we had to kill before the film - we wandered down westgarth until we saw Kelvins. I've never been there, but when we walked in and saw the dark comfortable interior with shelves of board games we knew we'd found a good spot. Some girls next to our table were playing connect four, but we opted for Scrabble and played a quick game while sipping on glasses of port. We both enjoyed the Galway Pipe port more than the Bethany, though I do like a sweet drop and the initial taste of the Bethany was delightfully sweet. The Galway Pipe was just richer and had a nicer aftertaste.

I always think of Bertie's dad when I drink port. He's the reason I got to like it in the first place. It was the first year anniversary of his death the day after grandad died, so it was hard for Bertie being around death and funerals and mourning right at the time she was grieving afresh for her own father, who died so young at 59. She was so strong for me over those few days, but it was a sad time for both of us.

Restaurant Review - Maedaya (YUM!)

So...

Maedaya in Richmond is my FAVOURITE restaurant in Melbourne. Big call, but there it is.

I was going to write a post about it, but have found some superb posts done by others, like this one at the My Food Trail blog

And this post at Melbourne Gastronome

Are you convinced yet? No?

Take THAT! and THAT!

POW!

BAM!

See you there :)

Asparagus Rolls (first attempt)

VERDICT:
- Ok so the puree wasn't perfect, but I still would have expected the finished asparagus rolls to taste better than they did.
- The puree was bland, the wholemeal bread was bland, and the fat free cottage cheese was bland. No surprises then that the finished asparagus rolls tasted... BLAND!
- I tried to season the puree (which pre seasoning was just blended steamed asparagus with some lemon juice) with some salt and pepper, but it went from 'still too bland' after three shakes of the salt shaker, to 'SUPER salty tasting' after four shakes...

SUGGESTIONS/FUTURE CHANGES:
-I'm wondering if some other vegetable or ingredient should be included to add more flavour to the sandwiches, rather than using salt? The tarragon the recipe called for was optional, and as I'm not too keen on the flavour of tarragon I left it out. I doubt tarragon alone is enough to unbland the asparagus rolls entirely, but perhaps next time I could either use the tarragon and try to get used to the flavour, or substitute it for another herb. I wonder what other herbs go with asparagus?
- maybe a better quality wholemeal bread to add more flavour in that department?
- buy a proper rolling pin - a foil roll is not a good substitute lol.
-Maybe I just need to try making these a few more times to perfect the techniques involved - you wouldn't think puree would be hard, but I may have oversteamed the asparagus, overlemoned the asparagus, and in the end oversalted the asparagus *sigh*

Better luck next time!

Emotional eating - time to 'fess up, then move forward

Today, Bertie went back to WA for work. Just after she left, I skipped the second half of TAFE - a subject I love, biology - to sit at home sniffling and whining, and changing channels like a daytime TV addict on crack.

Meanwhile I devoured three quarters of a block of organic fair trade chocolate, three cans of coke (plus started on a 1.25l), two slices of greasy pizza, nearly a whole garlic bread, and a quarter of a tub of Maggie Beer's Burnt Fig Jam Honeycomb and Caramel Icecream.

Obviously not my best post-Bertie-leaving-day. Other times she's left I've managed to get myself to TAFE, finish assignments, do chores and even eat a healthy tea. What's different this time?

I think I'm losing motivation to lose weight, which is ridiculous because after losing a fabulous TWELVE kilos and feeling happy and (almost) healthy, I have now stacked back on about four. Why spend all that money on weight watchers and go through all that hard work to eat healthily and exercise, if I just stack it straight back on again? The slump in my motivation to lose weight means I'm quick to allow myself 'a night off' from the regime when Bertie leaves. And not just a night off, but a night where I eat my way through every bit of junk I can find/buy.

Note to self: the pizza-garlicbread-icecream-coke-chocolate binge night left you feeling sick, bloated and unhappy. Maybe this is a good thing, as it might help you reassess the way things are going in your journey to lose weight, get fit, and feel good about your body. Remember how healthy you started feeling when you were on track? Get back to that place!!! Forgive yourself for tonight, and then move on to better things tomorrow...

P.S. Don't EVER try and use Dr Phil to solve your problems. NEVER, do you hear me? I'd rather you eat three pizzas and four tubs of icecream and five litres of coke. Just no more Dr Phil!

An 'insight' into childhood obesity

I'm watching tonight's 'Insight' program on SBS, and am finding it fascinating.

I wish I'd seen all of the episode (I was watching RSPCA rescue before I realised this program was on, and had been tearing up big time at a story about a kitten stuck in a car for two days that had been driven around and even crashed. Thankfully he was ok).

Anyway, back to Insight. I'm so impressed by what I've seen. I love that this show is bringing together industry members, academics, dietitians, 'normal' members of public, government, and the fabulous chef/fresh food activist Stephanie Alexander. The members of the food industry made me feel annoyed or skeptical a lot of the time, but it was good to hear what they had to say. I did feel that Jenny Brockie was quite tough on them, and that the right questions were asked within the time constraints of the show.

There was a lot of talk about various ways of listing nutritional information on packaging, which was fascinating - I liked the traffic light system they described because it's easy to understand and quick to read when you're facing a number of choices at a supermarket. However, it was Stephanie Alexander's comment that if you eat fresh, seasonal food then in her opinion, no food is bad whether it be a bit of real butter or some creme freche. Very interesting, as I like to think this but I do eat a lot of low fat processed foods since I started weight watchers.

The most impressive audience member, in my opinion, was Professor Boyd Swinburn from Deakin University. I'll be making a decision at the end of this year about whether to go to Deakin or Monash to study nutrition and dietetics, so it was interesting to see someone involved in the Deakin program in action. According to the Deakin website, "Professor Swinburn leads a research program in the area of obesity prevention, especially in childhood and adolescence", and he certainly seemed passionate and knowledgeable about this issue.

Apparently you can watch reruns online so I'll be doing that as soon as it's available and making some more detailed commentary about what various people on the show said.

The other fantastic aspect of the Insight website is that after each show, some of the guests are available to chat. I am doing this right now - I asked Clare Collins, a dietitian and consultant on the Biggest Loser - "Hi, I wanted to ask Clare how she got into dietetics, and what advice she'd have for someone wanting to get into this career themselves?" She hasn't answered me specifically yet, but she did write a message to someone else saying, "I love my profession! It is the only thing I wanted to do since age 14. Within Dietetics I have changed directions many times from working in hospitals, doing research, teaching university students, working with the media and consulting to TV show. There is a lot of science in dietetics and a lot of education but if you love working with people you will love it."

It's the ability to change direction within a career that really makes or breaks it for me, I think. I am the most changeable, indecisive person and I need to put myself into new environments and situations regularly to feel happy and stimulated. I hope that the fact that a dietitian can work in government, industry, private practice, hospitals, consultancy, research, teaching etc might mean that I can move around within my career as the years go by to stay challenged and interested.

*yay* since i wrote the above para, Clare Collins has replied to my question, saying: "when I did dietetics you used to have to do a science degree THEN another course BUT now you can go straight into a university course from year 12. It does help if you have done chemistry because you do a lot in the first 2 years of the course. My advice is that if you are keen to do it apply and go from there. Most jobs are still in ospitals helping people who have medical condition modify their food intake so they can improve their health but the areas where more jobs are becoming available is in working with different companies and in private practice." Thanks Clare! I'm glad to hear there's lots of chemistry involved in the dietetics courses as it's one of my favourite subjects at TAFE at the moment.

Phew! What a mammoth post. As I said, I'll write more when I've seen the full episode online :)

excellent experiences with my easy easiyo

My nieces and I made banana yoghurt in my new easiyo yoghurt maker - YUM! Mixed with a little honey, the yoghurt initially got a big tick of approval from both children... until one found out that I'd added the honey and changed her mind: "I just don't like it anymore!" So cute. I remember thinking my dad's pumpkin scones were delicious until I found out the secret ingredient was pumpkin ;)



My serve, in the photo above, has a teaspoon of honey drizzled over the top, and a small handful of blueberries on the side. Soooo good. Better than the stuff from the shops, too. Once I've finished the banana yoghurt in my fridge, I'm going to try the plain unsweetened skim yoghurt again (without the super lumpy effect I hope!).

Lumpy (but yummy!) yoghurt, and my epic ethic sagas continued...

What a wonderful trip to Moe! Absolutely lovely spending time with family, and seeing my nieces head off to school/kinder. We also went to one of their swimming lessons; the children were so cute, and so courageous as they learnt to handle the water. I couldn't believe how confidently some of them - all of about 3 or 4 years old - jumped from the side of the pool into the water. I could actually see myself enjoying going to swimming lessons with some kids of my own and watching them encounter water for the first time! Boy did that day make me feel clucky :)

The yogurt the girls and I made was yummy with a teaspoon of sugar sprinkled over it, and a strawberry cut up. It probably didn't even need the sugar, but it helped make it go down easier, especially because it looked a bit gross - the whey had separated from the rest (as I expected it to do) but the yoghurt itself looked firm and set and yummy... the guide said to stir the whey back in as it is apparently nutritious. This I did, only to find that stirring the yoghurt made it very lumpy looking. I might look into the whole whey issue and see if other people drain it off instead of stirring it back in - I prefer non-lumpy yoghurt, and even my niece took a look at it and decided against it, so it might be something to work on perfecting before I serve it up to guests!

Still, the taste was good so I feel emboldened to try again... as soon as I get another easiyo (I gave the other one to my A.S.I.L, whose daughters LOVE yoghurt, so they should get plenty of use out of it!). It's nice to know there'll be someone I know out there making yoghurt that'll understand when I whinge about whey and lumps, and who I can point to when other people accuse me of being a strange and solitary freak ;)

In other news, the grace period for soft drink is over - I have read up a bit on the fructose issue, and from what I can tell some scientists don't think it's the leading reason for weight gain and obesity but that it is one of many serious factors, while others think fructose is the devil incarnate when it comes to the spread of obesity in the U.S. particularly. I found enough to worry me; after I read up a bit on the effects of sugary drinks on teeth as well I mentally put my foot down. I am suitably motivated to give up sweet fizzy stuff, ESPECIALLY seeing as I seem to be slipping back into coke drinking (two cans in two days ugh) and want to nip that nasty habit in the bud again before it turns into a fully blown caffeine addiction a second time. Last time I gave coke up (cold turkey) I got the shakes, headaches and extreme grumpiness for a few days. I can't believe some parents let their kids drink that stuff *shudder*



I now have a 'Soft Drink Confessions' count happening on the side of my blog, where I'll count the amount of soft drink cups/cans I drink, and what percentage of them are coke. Hopefully neither number will creep up from now on, but at least if they do I'll know I have to confess them here.

Another thing that happened over the last two days was that I got some reading done (it happens when you take the train to the country. Awesome.) I'm nearly finished reading Bitter Chocolate by Carol Off, and it's a shocking read. As in, the things Carol Off writes about are shocking, not the writing itself. It's actually very well written (when am I going to find one in my must-read pile that isn't? Surely it's time for a tear-it-to-shreds book review?). I was horrified -though admittedly, not that surprised- by her accounts of slavery and human rights abuses in the chocolate industry's past. Much more shocking was that it is still going on, in one form or another, today! And with children! I can't believe that children are exploited and abused to make the west's favourite (legal) addictive treat. Horrible, horrible stuff to read, and very eye opening. I can't believe that this is the first I'm hearing about it, though I've seen plenty of 'fair trade' chocolate around the place these days and had an inkling that all may not be well with my cherry ripes and milky ways. Amazing how I subconsciously 'decided' not to research it before now.



I think another ban might be in order, or at least a selective one. I just got home and had a look through my kitchen: for someone on weight watchers I sure have a lot of chocolate lying around or hiding away! I think, to prevent wastage of food I've already bought, I'll have a rule that I'm allowed to finish/give away any chocolate that's in my kitchen now, but not buy any new chocolate UNLESS it's fair trade stuff. I also won't offend friends and family by rejecting any chocolate I'm given as a gift, but I'll make it known that I'm changing over to the more ethical variety (I've told Mum tonight, but she always buys us fair trade choccy for presents anyway, go Mum!). This might mean that I have to get off my butt and learn how to use chocolate in cooking so I can transform fair trade blocks of chocolate into versions of some of my favourite chocolate treats - ice magic to go on ice cream (it might have to be more like chocolate sauce), lamingtons, chocolate covered turkish delight, and cherry ripes. I'm sure I can come up with some tasty (and probably healthier) alternatives. Hmmm maybe instead of cherry ripes I could do fresh cherries and strawberries dipped in melted fair trade chocolate. YUM!

Mum told me tonight that she'd like to read the Carol Off book, especially because she might be doing some stuff around fair trade chocolate with her students this year, which is just fantastic :D

A little bit of added motivation to stay away from one kind of sugary snack!

I went to my pile of books to decide what to read next... and I found Bitter Chocolate by Carol Off in the pile. If the dangers to my own health and happiness caused by sugar (as outlined in Sweet Poison) aren't enough to convince myself to stop eating things like chocolate bars and blocks of chocolate as a snack, then perhaps the unhappiness chocolate causes to other people will do the trick. I'll report back when I'm finished the book :)

Sweeeeeeeeeet Poison *sigh*

Woah. I almost wish I hadn't read Sweet Poison: why sugar makes us fat by David Gillespie. If you believe what he's saying, then fructose is a bit evil in large quantities. The body is not programmed to tell you to stop eating it, like it is with other foods, because early in human history fructose-filled foods were so rare to come by and were therefore not harmful in the available small quantities. However in today's environment of processed foods with added sugars, and readily available sugar, honey and fruit juice, we eat much more fructose than our bodies can handle. We can eat and drink sugar by the bucketload without feeling full (though we might eventually feel sick); meanwhile the fructose causes weight gain (Gillespie blames fructose for the obesity epidemic we see in the developed world at the moment) as well as a whole range of serious - and often lethal - health problems. Being all around us, however, fructose is not an easy thing to avoid or even reduce.

I think I will be asking a qualified dietitian about the fructose issue, as I don't plan to drastically change my diet based on one book written by a lawyer/IT professional. Still, Gillespie seems to have done a lot of research and hard work, and has lost 40kg from his fructose-free ways. Yet another example of a person who changes their life drastically, and then writes an inspiring book that motivates me to change my own. If he is right, I will voluntarily walk my way down into a personal hell: no more than 5-10g of fructose a day (which you would get from a few pieces of fruit). While I research Gillespie's theory, I'll start the first easy (and beneficial for me no matter whether Gillespie is right or not) steps. After all, if I'm going to give up eating much fructose I think the key to success will be to do it in stages. The first two will be... *drum roll*

1. stop drinking coffee as I only like it with three sugars. Swap to sugar free tea.

2. give up soft drinks altogether, and if I really need a sweet drink, have soda water with a TINY bit of cordial instead of the tonne I have with it now.

At the very least these two steps will save my teeth some grief (my dentist has already told me to give up the large number of sugary drinks I was consuming, namely coke which I have almost completely given up), and reduce my caffeine intake as I am a terrible addict.